hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
