Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
