I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
