dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
