I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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