we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
