The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
