is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
