I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
