hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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