The maid of honor just puked.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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