we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
