I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I am midnight drunk by noon
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
