id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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