I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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