you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Green mimosas i think yes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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