Your face is a jimmy john
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
