You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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