You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You made out with two different species that night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
