Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
