I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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