remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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