I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
