hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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