Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
