She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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