if i can run in heels then i can drive
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
