if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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