I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
