i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
love makes seman taste better
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
