He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
