btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
