A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
