You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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