So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
