She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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