Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
