shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
