Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
