walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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