i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
