pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
