you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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