omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
