We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
