I love black thongs
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
