My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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