Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
