it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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