Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need water and some morals
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
