You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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